They review estate planning, contracts, or basically anything else I need.

Work is just the basics - drywall/ paint/ flooring for the most part.

Basically meaning the bank won't sell the mortgage later and will carry it until maturity, which offers them a lot more flexibility in their underwriting.

I’ve used doodle for meetings and it works well but I want something that basically just bings his phone when I alter the schedule without me having to text every time.

I get the basic overview of how this works. 

If you want to attract good tenants, you want:- clean, safe housing in a safe neigborhood;- basic amenities that people have come to view as standard;- priced at an attractive rate.That's really about it.

After that offer to help, the HOA president basically told me they were keeping the policy and he wouldn't be responding to my emails anymore. 

I did some research on the top lenders in Maine where I want to buy and it seems to be that every lender has the same basic criteria for FHA loan is this true?

My small brain can't grasp the concept that something nobody actually needs is worth so much

You may need to look at listings from people who are trying to sell their own homes without a realtor / talk to neighbors and try to snag them before they go out to market, look for the cosmetically ugly places you can touch up and remove all the contingencies (if you’re comfortable with doing some rehabbing and basic inspection on your own), keep looking and making offers (there are slower times like Christmas where you won’t have as many competetive bids, look at what’s renting for higher than the mortgage (like Marysville), go in with someone who can make a “cash” offer (where they get a business loan and pay the owner all cash), etc.