Maybe a major news outlet would be interested in covering your story. 

Do you happen to have an HOA covering the neighborhood?

However, in the off chance that I am not able to cover my gap funds (est. $200-$300K) from that small circle, how would you recommend I start branching out?

I hope you have a lot of cash available to cover the FTC fines. 

It took about 5 years for my assets to start covering my expenses.

The mortgage would be $5,200 so I would cover the other $3,200.

Hopefully the deposit covers Jan rent, make sure you give them an itemized list of the money owed to you for any damages or unpaid rent. 

But the rents don't justify it, for example we are renting a 3 bed 2 bath house with a huge backyard in rancho Cordova for 2350/mo, so duplex rents around here are 1800-2200 ballpark.

There are also 'mezz' lenders (typically for larger transactions) who will cover up to 90% CLTV and require you to bring the remaining equity to the deal, and additionally there is Gap Funding in the form of unsecured personal debt.The latter can potentially be the most expensive option, but allows for true 100% financing as there are no restrictions for how to use these funds, as they are unsecured, and generally obtained through personal credit, income etc (since there is no collateral for obtaining these funds).

Do they like to be on the couch (if so I have couch covers)?