Also, unless you're a cash buyer, ready to put down money in an instant, you're likely not going to get any of these homes.

Instant equity in my primary residence would be awesome.

My purchase was agreed on 2.9 acres with a 6000 sqft building already on the property with an office and storage/shop options for a total cost 230k.I'm excited to see the appraisal come in on the ground and hoping to work a deal of no cash down by using the instant equity to fund construction of new self storage units on half of the lot.

They have screening ala-carte and give you instant access to the reports (unlike the others which are tenant initiated and involved services). 

I can't speak for all investors but it would have to be a pretty good payday for me to get into that situation.

If you want to come in with guns loaded and ready to fire in order to overcome underwriting objections and preemptively "prove your innocence," dig for your old Uniform Residential Loan Applications where you signed indicating your "intent" to move into the various properties, when applicable, and then dig up some old bills from a few months after purchase that were mailed to that address, proving that you did indeed do as you said you "intended" to do each and every time.An underwriter with an IQ over 70 will be able to look at an interest rate on your mortgage statement, look at the date the loan was originated on your credit report, and instantly know if you purchased that property as a primary residence or as an investment property. 

Having a name behind you like Keller or others gives you instant name recognition and clout and they have training.

My dreams of a six-figure payday started to melt away and I started to feel sympathy for his plight.

That doesn't happen instantly.  

For example, I payed off my cards with my tax return and enjoyed an instant 50 to 70 point jump in my scores!