Granite is quite effective as it is scratch, stain and chip resistant.

Your tenants are entitled to quiet enjoyment and from the sounds of it, they are violating the lease. 

The mortgage is not transferrable, but we think that if I'm added to the mortgage and the deed, it will be effectively the same.

Regarding your script you might try a less business like approach and change it to sound more like just a private individual looking to buy a property.  

Sounds like you and your brother are close! 

I'm gonna sound like a lawyer.

This sounds like wishful thinking.

It sounds like your year is off to a great start.

Got this note from VRBO today:Dear Partner, We are writing to inform you that effective July 1, 2024, California Assembly Bill 537 will prohibit advertising, displaying or offering a rate that does not include all fees or charges required to stay at a short-term lodging (except taxes and fees imposed by a government on the stay).

As a landlord you may receive rent from the government but you still must manage their ward/your tenant by your standards.If you screen and allow tenants with below average credit scores there is no doubt you will be effected by this tenant.