On to the questionsDoes anyone here see any blatant issues with what I've calculated?

I believe the level of damage and it's obviously blatant nature would qualify this as a criminal act.

Am I missing something blatantly obvious?

We work with a lot of clients buying Airbnb investments and know the STR laws around the Springs and other Colorado cities if you ever turn your attention back that way.There are definitely some good investor-friendly agents here in Colorado Springs (insert blatant self-promotion here).

I've been on this forum since 2010 and haven't found a single case, except for a few slumlords that were blatantly violating the law over and over again.My properties are in an LLC primarily because I want anonymity in my small town.

Yes, investors all the time will use conforming loans when investing, but they don't so blatantly abuse it.If you are going to try for hard money loans or similar, you won't be able to use the property as a residence. 

It is not possible at my current state to buy a home in Austin and still make positive cash flow,  even with some basic analysis it was blatantly apparent that I need to look elsewhere for now. 

I just want to make sure it isn't blatant fleece-age.  

The seller blatantly doesn't want to waste their time. 

I then usually write a letter to the city's legal dept and threaten legal action, because they're  blatantly breaking the law and 'voila' it always gets straightened out. http://law.justia.com/codes/georgia/2010/title-36/provisions/chapter-60/36-60-17