As for the initial post, I would ask a few questions to shed some guiding light.

My firm has several lenders who can seamlessly close in 15 days on 'traditional' mortgages at/below market rates and we've been doing so for a couple of years now. 

The good news is you don't need a specialty loan for a house hack, just a traditional primary home loan.

It’s a great way to grow faster.HELOC or Equity Tapping: If you have equity in another property, using a HELOC or cash-out refinance could help cover the down payment without affecting your DTI as much.Seller Financing or Creative Deals: Look for sellers willing to finance directly, which bypasses traditional mortgage qualification hurdles.Scaling quickly often involves combining strategies—play around with what works best for your goals.

Put $10-15K in to get a brand new kitchen, refinished hardwood, recessed lighting, and brand new bathroom.

There are not traditional DSCR lenders that would do that.

The light in the unit was awful, I had a blood-red fake leather couch, and I took horrible photos with my cell phone.

Also, your transactional fees appear to be too light which only makes the profits more lean....$5k carrying costs between debt service, builder risk, general liability, taxes and insurance.....and $7K for the exit.

I definitely understand everyone else's practical advice regarding "lifestyle investments" but also think there is something to be said about following what lights a fire for you! 

We're also starting to scour other forums for possible investments outside the traditional MLS sites, and other areas like upstate NY.