It takes a discerning eye and some experience in general contracting to be able to accurately estimate repair work costs associated with"cheap" property on the fly.  

This seems to work well.The Final Straw:A few days ago, my access to online banking was shut off, and I am unable to discern any reason for this whatsoever.

And it is a good thing that you realize there may be others offering more self-promotion, since that may help you to discern between that and meaningful knowledge for you.Anyway, I am happy to offer any of my vast "useless" knowledge.

I've read the HUD handbook for FHA loans, but can't discern if it is actually permissible.

I don't know if it is because its en vogue or higher risk or something else, but all-in-all without having operated it as an STR for a year or so and having it on your tax returns it is unlikely the lender will consider STR income in your current primary residence for qualification.However, the common route people go here is to discern the market value of your current home, feed that information to the lender with a, "hey Lender, my home should (conservatively) rent for $X/month here . . .

Given you haven’t provided any context ie credit score, 15 vs 30 yr, fixed or variable, it would be difficult to discern the rate.

But truly commit to something for a few years and you’ll have the proper discernment whether it is something to continue or not.If you can’t buy a multifamily, buy a SFR and rent out the bedrooms.

Be very discerning though, as Essex County is quite a dichotomy with very affluent, upper-middle-class areas directly bordering very poor, high-crime neighborhoods.

Note that you can be a bit more discerning for owner-occupied units, but fair housing rules are still in play. 

Your ability to discern who is the most professional or what is the most professional way to develop a team that reduces maintenance costs and vacancies will be how you maximize your cash flow.