I am going to pretend I did not read that forum, not because it is not sage advice, but because it interferes with my rose colored glasses. 

Give us some more color...

When the contractor was there they even came downstairs and started demanding to know exactly what steps would be taken (hands on hips, scrunched up face to give this some color).

Theodore - I don't recognize the color, but I would send the photo to a couple of "big box" stores and see what they suggest.

So if you look at the map and use the umbrella zoning color codes to know at a glance if something is residential, commercial, etc and then begin to zoom in, then you'll eventually be able to view specifics like R-1, R-2, CEIR, etc. 

Construction workers and other large employers in need of employee housing, too. The

Because a tooth paste cap lodged in the drain is not a covered maintenance issue, they want to charge me $150 to take care of it.

OR, if you're able to assume a low interest rate FHA or VA mortgage (but you need to have the difference in price vs the loan balance), that's an option too. The

Frankly, too the lower leverage you take the better your terms are.

I make curtains a tenant responsibility so there's no cleaning/cost involved and the Tenant can choose their own colors and decorate the bathroom a little.