You would be literally trying to split hairs by deciding on one SFH versus another in both markets. 

I have to affirm the question over and over until they finally answer it.

Lesson #3: Cover your hair.

My only other thoughts are doing a horrible job painting over flaking paint, putting plywood up painting over that and getting the bank out of our hair that way..

The expiration of the statute of limitations is an affirmative defense to a lawsuit.

You can also request an estoppel letter from the tenant, which is basically having the tenant sign something that affirms that they agree with what is in the lease, so that when you go to collect the rent they won't say "Oh, no, we had a different agreement and were ACTUALLY only paying $800, not $975" or something like that :)

I could get a HELOC giving me access to 80% (say $64k) The hair brained idea is to find the people that operate in that area in either wholesale or flipping, and try to partner with them once they find a property that makes sense numbers wise for him and is a good home for me.

This would be like me saying I'd like to do other people hair for a fee, but I don't want to get a cosmetology license.  

Yes, they still exist but they are rare now and you are adding layers of hair on the deal with questions about contractors.

Good luck with your real estate endeavors (and your hair !!).