Others that I have spoken with, but not exhaustive because there are a lot who do not lend in California where I am, are Lending One, Lima Capital, Visio, and 5arch.

Here's what I've done so far:I have exhausted all of google's listings (including all the 1 star reviews). 

I found the extended adrenaline rush and process of constantly driving around to be exhausting and nauseating, but I can see why nobody does it.

This is not an exhaustive list, but anyone who wants proof can DM me. 

When they've exhausted those other sources, THEN they deploy loans against the cash value in lieu of their own cash.

Your criteria are fine but the delivery is too exhaustive. 

It's exhausting.

Perhaps you have millions sitting in your IRA and can withstand another financial crisis or major medical issues (I pray you never face either) should we face one, but the greater majority of Americans don't.  1 in 4 people will face a major medical set back. 

Definitely 2 bedroom, and load bearing walls not withstanding as open as possible.

I'm pretty exhausted by all this and am looking for some assurance that I will be able to achieve resolution.