Learn the real estate lingo and sound and dress professionally.It is important you choose a niche and focus on brokers who deal with this niche.  

What that is is more of a listing agreement dressed up like an option, it's pure horesfeathers.So, I can see any state regulator considering that "option" as a disguised listing and brokering if that optionee is not a licensee and even if they had a license, there would likely be other issues, such as a net listing and brokering requirements.

Brand new 700 dollar wedding dresses, Prom Dresses, a utility truck and a merlin phone system.

Dont overthink the website, cards, etc...you want people to take you serious so you need to show you are serious so I think some signage on your vehicle, some business cards and a basic website and dressing for success is a great start.Give cards to everyone  you meet and tell them you are a RE investor...go to every REI meeting you can and start shaking hands and asking investors what kind of properties they are looking for.Differentiate  yourself...don't be lazy.  

Here's a few: dress appropriately, have good hygiene, if you have biz cards make them look professional, buy a domain name for your email address, create a website, make sure your online profiles are up to date and professional, have a professional voicemail message, return phone calls and emails, don't give someone a dead fish handshake (own it), listen, take care when writing emails, and the list goes on.

Dress up as a coc... 

Literally first day on the job, no keys, not to mention dressed like they were going to 'the late night after hours joint'.

It is not illegal to deny someone because you think they're a liar; because they have inappropriate tattoes; because they dress like a gang-banger, etc.

I did think of just making the fourth bedroom a bonus room, or a closet/dressing room for the master, but that doesn't seem like a good option because it would put the master in the smallest bedroom. 

That covers cleaning, dressing the beds, throwing our garbage, etc.