Your first introduction sentence is key..give it some careful thought and nail it.Good luck! 

But it all falls back to my first sentence between you & seller.Really educate yourself and attend your local REIA meet ups so you can network with kind people that are willing to give great advice.

Keep reading the post past the first sentence of the first line please, I think you will find it was far from ridicule. :) The most amazing deals that I've seen cross my desk, by far, are from what I identify as "Category B," which is your world.

What most want is a very short to the point letter maybe a few sentences stating what you want to do and how to reach you.

I just changed 1 sentence on my site, and I got a spike in conversions and CTR!!

It never ceases to amaze me how a bunch of people who realize there is great wealth to be made by owning a home and renting it to people, will suddenly in the same sentence advocate that they themselves should rent instead of own their own home.  

The first sentence loud and proud states "Owner agrees to pay realtor a commission of 4.75%".

I asked a bunch of questions and he only ever replied to the last question with one sentence, and it didn't even quite answer it.

NOTHING In Law is Absolute even a seemingly simple sentence like the one you posted.

This sentence made it sound like you didn't know when she applied that she had 17 and 18 year old children.