So we've got a lot of influencers and whatnot saying "yeah everything is still just the same as ever" while being literally unwilling to put their money where their mouth is.   

Dpa you could buy any home that could be purchased with the down payment offer but it really sucks to see how the market is doing, I mean everyone keeps saying find a deal, and what not but how would I get a mortgage on a house that's already owned, unless I did subject 2 or wholesale but even then how would.i go about getting my first home it's kind of stressful.

For what? Not

I have no idea how to write up a contract with the lingo and what not.

(waiting to hear back) But isn't splitting up utilities amongst units like that kind of sketchy due to people pointing fingers and what not?

Renovations to space and what not then technically they would offset each other and I would not get taxed at all?

Most corporate rental companies do not allow subletting.You can ask if they would allow corporate housing to say a nurse or similar.Its also called medium term rental, the idea is you sign a long term lease and furnish and manage and put nurses or what not in for 3 to 6 months etc and keep the difference.This also works for condos as its a rental 30+ days and should get around the no short term rentals. 

I'm about 50k in with all the fees and what not.

I don't know enough about your situation to give you good advice on what to do specifically, but I don't need any more info. to advise you on what not to do.I just love that you are being patient and seeking advice.  

Honestly there is a time and a place for the assembly line mortgage places, but if you're on biggerpockets.com and reading about all the cool strategies and whatnot, that alone says that it's unlikely that it is applicable to you.