I have let my diet slip into junk food, alcohol, and constant grazing.

It is like going to the gym everyday but not managing your diet.  

Make believe you just happen to have something you think he will like e.g. some really nice chocolates or a good wine and tell him you need someone to give it to because you are on a diet.

Sorry, only you know whether your preference is chicken or fish, and which one is more suitable to your diet...

Even if somehow we miraculously managed to eradicate many of the guns that are stockpiled people could simply smuggle them in from other countries the way drugs are smuggled in.

Unless mice were mentioned as being included originally I would call an exterminator for the mice eradication and deduct the cost from the security deposit.  

Do they need a diet or am I out of line?

Had an infestation problem years ago, it was not fun and till this date I am still not able to completely eradicate of the roaches in the unit.

I'd bet that some of them have a diet that consists of cereal, fast food, and heroin.Could you tell them that the stove is not for heating and if you catch it being used as a furnace, you will remove it?

I'm not suggesting you put the family on the PB&J diet or anything extreme.