Quick money (addicting; instant gratification)Equity growth (addicting but with responsibilities; delayed gratification)As long as you're doing even one of them, you'll do great in any economy

Haha....ok I'm joking, kind of...All those things are important, but first is credit score(700 or better preferred, can go lower if other conditions are optimal) and no previous evictions, no felony convictions(especially violent or sexual).

No one thinks ahead, its all about instant gratification. 

The Cook County Human Rights Ordinance: This ordinance prohibits people in Cook County (including employers, landlords, property managers, real estate agents, store and restaurant owners, bankers, lenders and Cook County government officials and employees) from unlawfully discriminating against or harassing other people on the basis of that person's race, color, sex, age, religion, disability, national origin, ancestry, sexual orientation, marital status, parental status, military discharge status, source of income (including use of a housing choice voucher), housing status, or gender identity.

Also, there is a tenant in another unit who is a sexual offender of small children.

I approached her and she evicted me. unfortunately I was stuck with nowhere else so I lived with it until her son sexually assaulted me.

There's a controlled, pre-existing relationship (likely of a sexual character - but I don't know you and I'm not assuming) between the agent selling the property and the inspector who assesses its quality. 

That’s what I hear a lot when I talk to other landlords, they say “just fix things quickly or drop rent” but like you’re saying, fixing things fast is part of it, dropping rent isn’t going to, but for a tenant that is cooperative, pays on time, treats things like their own; to me it’s worth a couple bucks in a gift card and they also feel that gratification because The gift card shows recognition

Houses require delayed gratification.

Norman, while it might not give you the instant gratification that you want right off the bat, everyone who's posted so far has given you an awesome plan.