Now if you've followed things this far kudos, and I bet your feeling some lumps.

You can just answer it without the jazz, and I bet you know a few places right off top of head where people WANT to live, right. 

I'm not sure if we can like to articles on our own websites here, so to be safe I'll just suggest the IRS web page, which does do a pretty good job of explaining the basics: https://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc510The main thing to know if you're going to claim business miles is that you do need to keep a log of every business trip. 

I bet that you can pay off this debt in 1 year or much less.

If someone is willing to pay you $500k / year, I'd bet that you're a pretty high value / hard working person.

I bet $1 this a bot. 

Honestly, upgrading to a commercial-grade stackable setup like Speed Queen or Maytag might be your best bet.

Is this just someone betting big on inflation?  

I am betting your gonna find a lot more friendly amicable persons than shut doors. 

If your goal is cash flow, then your best bet may be to live in it for 2 years, and then take that tax free gain (250k single person, 500k married) and buy elsewhere.