They left the unit in very bad shape (holes in walls, cigarette smoke smell, soiling and damage from unauthorized pets, graffiti and intentional damage, unflushed turd and vomit in the toilet, drug paraphernalia and liquor bottles, disgusting furniture and trash left behind, fridge, dishwasher and oven looked like crime scenes, cockroaches in the cabinets, grease down the drain, literally the works).

Nothing crazy...a card accompanied by a bottle of wine, treats/toys for their pets, chocolates, the like.

We had one place with horribly uncomfortable furniture, empty bottles of soap/shampoo, uselessly thin toilet paper, and a million inane house rules.

Tell me about your solutions that are midway between full on property management and being chief cook and bottle washer for your tenants every whim?

In both cases, I added mine later for logistical reasons - one house a neighbor on another street was using it as a cut-through and pushing a shopping cart full of cans and bottles all hours of the day.

Besides, the tax exemption isn't really worth the diapers, the bottles, the daycare or the college tuition...

I don’t get the bottled water thing.  

Buy 5 of the 1.5 L bottles of cheap vodka on Friday night , stand them up outside his door, knock, and walk away.

She said it wasn't her (and I believe her), it could be the lawn maintenance crew, it could be someone walking by and just needed to fill up a water bottle? 

You can get a small Bottle Jack, they cost 15-20 bucks.