Sheila
Sounds like you are at a rough crossroad in your investing carrier.
When I read your post I felt that you were asking two questions: is it possible to succeed despite some misstep? And should you awaken from your nightmare?
My answer would be yes to both of those questions.
EVER successful real estate investor has made a ton of mistakes. Successful investors learn from those mistakes and keep on going. The first two flat that I purchased was and still is a complete disaster. Had I stopped a year into owning that property I would not have the success that I have today. The next property I purchased was a 4 flat and since I had learned from my previous mistakes the purchase turned out better. Every property that we purchase we learn more and more and become better real estate investors.
There is no doubt that Real Estate is tricky because when you make a mistake it can cost you a lots of money – which is why many stop investing after they make a mistake.
Now to touch on your other question – should you wake up from your nightmare – the answer to that question is also yes. You need to wake up to your current situation and deal with it as best that you can. Have you thought about selling a property or two?
The road you are going down is not an easy one – but you still can hit your goals. It may take longer but it is possible. Maybe try to find a positive person (a friend or relative) that will encourage you to live your dream more.
Hope this helps.