There is a quote I used to have on a post it note on my mirror, about 20 years ago – ‘All Unhappiness is Caused by Comparison.’ Now, I don’t subscribe to that, fully, 2 decades later, but I do know that we often compare ourselves to others, which often leads to feelings of inadequacy. And when we look at people who we deem successful, as measured by wealth, we tend to beat ourselves up because we have somehow failed to achieve that same level of success. And when we feel bad about ourselves, we do a few things – one is that we convince ourselves that we don’t really want that success, and that we are happy where we are; two, we bury our heads in the sand – we do nothing, or we eat, watch TV, drink, exercise, lots of different things to escape our feelings of inadequacy.
We also get into ‘analysis paralysis’ about which direction to go in, which leads us into a vicious cycle of doing nothing, and beating ourselves up even more.
When it comes to real estate, it’s hard for some to decide which path to take, and endless ‘How to Get Rich in Real Estate by Doing XYZ’ stories don’t make it easier for us to think clearly and take decisive action.
How about we try a different approach, one I use with clients in my coaching capacity? It has to do with really understanding yourself & your values, so you can then move towards the lifestyle that you WANT to have, not the lifestyle you think you SHOULD have. Why is this important? Because by taking the time for a little self-examination, it helps us align our values with our plans & actions.
Here’s a great exercise that I really encourage you to do for yourself. I use it with many of my clients. Spend about 15 minutes going through the list of values HERE (I have no affiliation with the site). Narrow it down to 10 to 20 values which you either now subscribe to, or aspire to subscribe to. Write that list down and keep it handy on your desk as a reminder of where you are now, and where you want to go, and I’ll explain what I mean by this by example.
There are patterns which emerge in this value selection, which are a reflection of who we are. If you value things like charity, teamwork, peace, and service, for example, and you are beating yourself up over either society’s, or your peers’ vision of what goals you SHOULD be accomplishing, then you aren’t operating in alignment with your values. Maybe becoming a real estate mogul wouldn’t suit you. You might find you’re not working in a job that suits you, altogether.
If you value ambition, wealth, status, and fearlessness, and are surrounded by people who are telling you that your dreams and goals are too big, then you are also not operating in alignment with your values, because what you really want to do is take calculated risks and trust in your own abilities. In either scenario, and there are many, you’re being influenced by limiting beliefs, and limiting beliefs lead to either actions that don’t sit well with us (as we aren’t living in integrity with our core values), or inaction, which leads us back to beating ourselves up.
Once you’ve got this list, you can start evaluating the role you want to play in your path to success (which, for many, isn’t defined by being rich, but rather, more financially secure). In the world of real estate, you have two fundamental options – do you want to be an active or passive participant?
Active participation means you are hands on. You deal with tenants, leases, financing, repairs, management, legal issues, sourcing properties, and renovation, construction, development, etc. Done well, you could become very financially successful in this model, and a lot of people LOVE this path, but understand that it does take time and energy, and sometimes involves unexpected time & financial hits. You can have simply one or two rentals, or build up a commercial real estate empire, but I highly recommend you consider the following – knowing your values leads to deciding what you want, which leads to aligning your life with what you want. What I’m saying is that while you see people becoming uber wealthy and working their backsides off to grow an empire, maybe that’s not YOU, and that’s ok. Or maybe you love swinging a hammer and doing DIY projects, or managing projects, in which case flipping single or small multi families might be right up your alley. Either way, the most truly content people I know are on the path that they chose for themselves, and that suits their own personal value sets.
OR…maybe you’re like me, a passive investor. I’ve flipped one house, about 20 years ago, and learned a lot of lessons. I liked the creative expression involved, and some of the hard work, but it just wasn’t me, and I think we ended up breaking even, as we bought a money pit via private sale. I knew then that I wouldn’t be a flipper. I’ve also been a landlord for over 20 years, too. I’m really becoming ‘over’ the whole thing. I’ve had great tenants and horrible tenants, but for me, I now value my time more, and am working towards creating income streams passively, so I can focus on doing other things that give me meaning. It’s not easy at times, because it means I need to put my trust in others to both protect and grow our money, but I’d rather spend the time doing the research on who I invest with, at this point in my life, than in being an active investor.
Our values change, and the exercise above is great to do every year. Personally, my pace has changed, and I’ve lived through the highs and lows of being a landlord, and for me, I now value safety, peace, and time to do other things that fall out of the scope of actively managing real estate. Could I be making more flipping houses? Maybe. But I’m making more in passive investing in multifamily syndications, averaged out over years, than I am with my rental properties, even including appreciation. I enjoyed the journey & lessons, but having really dived deeply into my own values, I know that this is the right choice for us.
The point is, do what feels right for you, and if you don’t know what feels right, take some time to figure that out. There is a reason people say to ‘go with your gut,’ because while some life choices look good on paper, they might go completely against what our instinct and intuition is telling us. And don’t forget, you can always change your mind later, as your values & wants change. In the meantime, you will win some, you will lose some. Enjoy the ride along the way.