There are several "hard money lenders" in NY who make a business from the deposits, not the loans. Sounds like you found one of them.
To your question - most hard money lenders are not licensed, because most of the reputable ones work with real estate investors who run a business. In order to lend to individuals, under the new SAFE act, they must be licensed. Licensing includes requirements such as working as a loan originator doing residential lending for 5 years, or other requirements particular to a state. Therefore, most "national hard money lenders" lend to companies only. Even local hard money lenders follow that protocal. So you will likely find that they are not licensed.
You can file a complaint with the Attorney general of your state or the Banking Commission, as Chris says. But is is likely that the cost of recouping your loss will exceed the loss. Therefore, you are probably screwed, in a practical sense.
Going forward:
1. Always google a person or company, to find the complaints before you plunk down your money
2. Ask around at the local REIA or your other real estate investing buddies (you now have a bunch of them on Bigger Pockets) for references to local hard money lenders
3. It is not unusual to have SOME up front fees. In my case, we charge a deposit ($1000) for the attorney and title work. If you don't close, someone has to pay for that work, so the fees are applied to that. You get anything back that isn't used.