So sorry about the situation you’re experiencing. Thanks for posting a reply. Life always throws us the unexpected, but through my situation, I’m learning more & more about showing God’s unconditional love, compassion, & how no situation is perfect. We always put these expectations on ourselves on where we should be, what we should’ve done differently, etc. Be encouraged! We’re moving forward & upward, & I really have faith that each trial will benefit us in the long-run. Praying for you & your family.
Since my original post, things escalated a little bit. He pretty much told us that he would continue to smoke weed on our property (i.e. around my toddler), & we couldn’t do anything about it. My husband & I ended up having to give my brother notice of sorts (with no intention to actually go through the courts, because we didn’t want an ‘eviction’ on his background check). We had to show him that we could do something, but still give him a chance to change. He was very angry. Thankfully, through word-of-mouth, my mother found an apartment for him. We helped him with security & first month’s rent, & my mother made a deal with him to pay his rent for thand first 7 mos (she is on a limited income, so I thought this was amazing of her). We have reached out to him a few times since he moved out (mid-November), with no response. Hopefully one day (as he experiences more & more on his own), he will realize that he has only been angry at himself this whole time, & that we really have done nothing but helped him this whole time (including pushing him out of the nest).
Many blessings! Wishing you the very best with your situation, & again, praying that you will remain encouraged.
Originally posted by @Account Closed:
I haven’t read the replies to your post yet, Amanda. I pray your situation has been resolved by now. I’m commenting to express my compassion and understanding — and to tell you thank you for sharing. I am in a very similar situation to yours. My brother is 51, not 21, and fortunately not belligerent — but same general sense of entitlement. Mom purchased a house for him, requiring him to pay nominal rent (skin in the game — just enough to cover taxes, insurance, maintenance,etc.) He promptly moved friends in, requiring nothing of them — promising 4 consecutive months now that he’s working on getting the money (I believe he is — but it keeps getting funneled other places as he tries to get his business going. I understand the truth of that far too well myself.) I nag and cajole and make idle threats. And then I nag and cajole and make more idle threats. I believe he means well (He’s had mental and physical health challenges , which is why Mom was inclined to do this in the first place — but he is taking unfair advantage and has a history of doing so — including stealing $ and personal property from her).
When I read your post, it’s obvious what your obstacle is — and therefore, mine too — I want my brother to meet his obligations, and if he can’t, or won’t, I DON’T WANT HIM TO BE UNHAPPY WITH ME FOR EVICTING HIM. So I make another concession, set another deadline, and back-pedal some more, hoping THIS time is the time. There is a lot of personal guilt/shame in this for myself — because I too have had health challenges the past year, and our mom supports me too — I too am trying, and presently failing, to get back on my own financial feet. The hair-splitting differences are these 1) I serve my 82 year old ailing mother in other ways — she is mentally competent but not able to handle administrative and executive functions. I pay all her bills (with her $); drive her everywhere she needs to go; do all her shopping; go visit her 3-4 times per week (She just moved to independent senior living this past fall); 2) I am a single mom of her only grandchild — there’s no way I’d be here if I were only responsible for myself; and 3) although I’ve cost her as much $ (maybe more, truth be told) as my brother, I haven’t stolen money and things. Yet, my guilt and shame for my own “draining her dry” are overwhelming and keep me feeling like a hypocrite that I must be the one to hold him accountable when I can’t meet my own obligations. (My mom wants him to meet his obligations or move so we can rent the house out and it will sustain itself — She is willing for me to evict him if necessary, but doesn’t want to do it herself and couldn’t really even if she wanted to.)
Thank you — I can see past your inappropriate guilt for your brother’s situation (you love him and want him to be healthy but can’t make that happen for him.) I know matter-of-factly what you need to do and I know that it doesn’t matter that your brother won’t like it (he won’t) and will push all your guilt buttons to keep you from doing it (he will). And I know that nevertheless, in spite of all this, do it you must.
And if you must, SO MUST I. I have just drawn the last and final line in the sand. And in the next 48 hours he will meet it, or he won’t. If he does, great and if he doesn’t, I will retain a lawyer to evict him and his friends. I will report back here the results to be accountable to myself
Now I’m going to post this and then scroll down and read other comments and see how you’ve fared in this matter. And if you still haven’t been able to do it, don’t beat yourself up. But maybe “together” we can both step past our guilty feelings and do what we gotta do.
Sorry to anyone annoyed by the decidedly non-business nature of this post — but I’ve been a member of Bigger Pockets for months now and was thrilled when I Googled “evicting my brother”’ and the first search result was right here on BP. It has been a true help to me. Thanks, Amanda. And thanks for all the help and patience of other BP’ers.
