I Know You're a LIAR!

Recently I've decided to explore human behavior and deception detection techniques.

I've reviewed a few of the most recent books I've read, one of which is by the same author as this book: You Can Read Anyone by David J. Lieberman Ph.D

This book started out the same as the last book I read by him called: Never Be Lied To Again which I also wrote a two part review on. I'm not goingt to do a two part review of this book simply because I want to use an example that happened to me in real life that I've fortunately been able to learn from because of these books and others like it that weren't as good but did have a nugget or two. 

I'm learning though as I explore and learn about the human behavior and deception detection, as well as how human behavior is related to how, why, when and where a person is deceitful, I'm growing concerned. 

See, as I continue my day to day activities I'm picking up on lies being told to me. I'm certainly not going to claim that I am a expert lie detector but when you read these books, you'll easily started picking up on these things as well. 

Just the other day, I approached what I thought was a friend, colleague and someone I thought I could trust or at least, wouldn't lie to me about a project I'm putting together that will benefit a lot of people. This project will also greatly benefit this person I approached about being involved. 

I also have approached several other people and every single one of them agreed and thought it was great because they saw the value I was bringing to them. I don't want to say this persons name because they are a member of BP even though I know they've personally never read my blog. Even the slightest hint will easily give it away and I, even though I felt insulted now, do not wish to engage in that. 

I do however want to show you an exact example so that you can see how these books are making me realize who is being deceitful and who is being truthful. 

One of the techniques taught in this book is called "Self Interest" People act in their own best interest. Whenever you are questioning a person's desire for something, consider what he does, not what he says. 

Then the author gives a snapshot to put this in perspective. This is where its get interesting for me. 

A person saying he is too busy to pursue something of interest is not truthful. We would see this more clearly if our own desire for his interest to be genuine wasn't clouded. 

Ask this person to invest something, anything - time, money, energy - and see if you get excuses or compliance. The more willing a person is to invest of himself, the more interested he is. Life is a matter of priorities; we all have them, and we make time for what really matters to us. When a person says he has not time, he often means that it is not worth his time. 

So what I learned was that when I approached this person about an opportunity that I was providing for them to add value to them and I was told they didn't have time for it, was that they meant to say, it wasn't worth his/her time. Has this ever happened to you?

Why couldn't this person just be honest with me and tell me he/she didn't think it was worth his/her time? I can assure you that this opportunity does not include giving me any money, I was not asking for something outrageous, just simply a small portion of time every once in a while. 

I've asked Harrison Painter, Peter Giardini, James Ward and others that are not on BP but that I know personally to participate on this upcoming project. They've all happily agreed because they saw the value. None of them lied to me by saying they didn't have time. Others that I have not asked yet, I certainly hope will agree to help participate or at least tell me the truth that they do think it's worth their time. We'll see. 

So that's just one example. The more I explore and learn these things, the more I notice it happening to me all the time. 

I know this isn't a standard book review but I wanted to show you the value and the power that the book has. This book will teach you things about what a person says that you can read what they really meant. The way certain words are said or written in the order that they are. 

It truly is amazing stuff that is directing me to more aspects of it. I originally wanted to explore this interest to use it as negotiating tools but the more I learn, the more I'm realizing its use in everyday life. I even had two phone conversations today where I was clearly lied to and I instantly picked up on it. 

The problem is, now that I'm learning and literally picking up on this stuff, I'm having a hard time with accepting it. It's hard to digest that you were just flat out lied to. I worry about the relationship I thought I had with these people that are lying to my on a daily basis. I wonder if they do so because they feel they need to or feel they are protecting themselves or myself from myself?

It's all really hard to digest. I've started realizing those that I also lied to and tried to think of why I was lying to that certain person. I start to choose my own words more carefully so that even though I am telling the truth, my words can't be mistaken for deceit because I'm worried that the other person may be thinking I'm lying to them when in reality, I'm being truthful.

I really think there needs to be a book for how to cope with being constantly lied too. I don't think it's someting where you can say to stay away from those that lie because it seems to be so implanted into our daily activities that we're lying and not even realizing it when we're doing it. 

So, there it is! This book along with his other books are flat out amazing! Just know that if you do read these books of his, you will without a doubt, pick up on these things and it might be harder to deal with than you might think. You may be able to deal with a seller flat out lying to you, but when a close friend or loved one does it, it's hard to know what to do and I haven't learned how to deal with that just yet. When I do, I'll let you know.