Does anyone care enough about you?
I met a 31-year old gentleman on a flight the other day and after a brief and friendly chat he complained to me and said: “No one cares enough about me, not my neighbors, not the employees in my small company and not even my siblings.”
The surprised look on my face made him ask if I had any suggestions as to how to handle those who do not care. My immediate response was: “May I be blunt and straightforward with you?”
He nodded and I proceeded by saying:
First of all, you need to grow up. You are not a teenager anymore so like anyone over 19 years old you need to know the following 3 things:
- 1) People like your neighbors, colleagues at work, or acquaintances in your social entourage are neither for you nor against you, they simply care more for themselves and what is happening in their personal world.
- People like your employees, business associates, or partners in your business environment care only to the degree that an outcome happening to you will affect them. So you need to involve them in meaningful ways that impact them through incentives and rewards or punishments and losses.
- 3) People like your family members, close friends (even from work) and your siblings will care for you to the degree you care for them. It is a principle of reciprocity and the way bonding relations are created.
The young man evidently was so shocked at my response that all he did was simply pull his iPhone, write a few notes, then put it back in his pocket and closed his eyes in peace for the remainder of the flight.
I felt a bit uncomfortable and regretted, yet once more, sharing my thoughts openly in a one-on-one conversation. I should know by now, that people resent taking a hard look at their incompetence. Self-reflection and self-critique with any degree of accuracy are near impossible; as people cannot face their own weaknesses. (If they could, they would have turned them into strong points long ago).
To my surprise, when we landed, he stood up and looked at me with a smile as he retrieved his luggage, and said:
“I wish I met you when I turned 20… I guess I need to realize that it is all up to me, but I think I am just set in my own ways now… I am 31 years old… It may be too late!”
To which I responded: “You are right… People simply don’t care enough to help one another and it is hard to change that…”
What else could’ve I said? This man is his own worst enemy!
Thank God I did not even share my last thought with him and that is: Even the most sincere love that you feel from another being, is probably more about them then it is about you!
I think that mere notion could’ve devastated him even further.
In closing, I hope whoever is reading this does not feel too, disturbed by the reality that there are usually very few people, if any, who care or even remember anyone else’s past successes or failures. Additionally, those few who do remember, are usually the ones impacted by the results.
The fact is you get what you give and so it goes. You are responsible for understanding the reality of any relationship. If you reflect and are certain of someone in your life that truly “cares” you must always give him or her the appreciation you would hope to receive. Do not take these people for granted, as they are a gift.
Any other thought is an erroneous fantasy!
Wishing you much growth and maturity.
Cherif Medawar
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