Could someone critique this Message?

[Noah McPherson]

Sent to real estate agents: 
"Nice to meet you_____. My name is _____. I'm an investor from _____. Currently, I'm searching for houses that are in need of a lot of rehab and typically wouldn't be posted on the MLS. If you have any houses like this, let me know. I'd love to help get them off your clients hands and assist you in selling them."

Would appreciate any critiques or any additional value I could add to this message. Thanks guys  

[Will Barnard]

Jerryll provided good advice here in his own direct way but he is right. Come to me with that script of yours in your first post and you wont get very far. Come to me with proof of your desire and purchasing power and you have both ears.

Also, as others stated, many agents suck or are just too new so you need to find the very best ones.Best meaning they have been in the biz for a good decade or more and also work with investor clients. If they do not understand the investor mindset or their needs, they will fail you.