Direct Mail Template: Please provide feedback

[Seth S.]

Hey BP - 

Looking to begin a direct mail campaign to a specific niche I selected. I wanted your feedback on this template I put together. Please be as honest as possible :) 

[Edit B.]

Cons:

• I personally don't like calls to action in a letter more than once- you have two of them back to back on third and fourth line there
• I also don't like buzzwords like "win-win"-they come off cheap, like a used car salesmen 
• I also don't like links to a website or even mentioning I'm an investor- I'm just a guy that buys houses. People don't want to sell to some large business that has a chain of command longer than you can count(which all have to get paid). They like intimate conversations with small time people like them. 

Pro:

• The message is clear and short 
• You have personalized information in there, such as address, city, name etc

Here's the thing, there are sites like Investor Carrots that do calls to action repeatedly along with buzzwords. In those cases I'd say that's alright, and they probably have data to support that. However I think a letter at home should come off more serious and less cheap. People receive many bs letters with buzzwords of all sorts that they are insensitive to them and likely ignore most of them. A serious tone will send the message across better, especially considering its a sale of a property not furniture, or a car. 

That's my two cents and what I do. I've had decent results in a competitive market.