First Yellow Letter Critique

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Hey BiggerPockets,

Just dropped off my first yellow letter today. I came across this property through a person that I am currently mentoring for. The house is very run-down from the outside (overgrown everything, two non-functioning vehicles in the driveway, rotten wooden windows) but when I peeped in the windows the inside is quite immaculate. It is in a very good neighborhood. I found out from the neighbors that the house belongs to an old couple (70 yrs +) and I directed the letter in a very helping manner in order to draw a response.

I used a Yellow Legal Pad with a blue magic marker, that I tucked in a very thin white envelope with the owners first name addressed on the front.

The letter in summation:

Dear ****,

I came across your home while driving through the area. It appears to need a little TLC from the outside which drew me to it. My colleagues and I buy houses that are older that have character, and I feel that your house fits that description. We are in the business of helping people and I'd be glad to help solve your property problems. Feel free to give me a call at ***-***-****.

P.S. If anything please call me about how you acquired that Corvette ******** in your driveway, my grandfather used to drive a similar one and I'd like to hear your story on it.

Sincerely,

My Name.

Open to critiques on if this is how YOU would address a direct mail piece to garner a phone call from an older couple that appears to be have a property in dire need of repair