how to introduce REI to my girlfriend?

Question

My girlfriend is getting onboard with financial independence, and i'm really happy for this yall! she dug Your Money or Your Life, and is currently reading 4 hour work week. she's really digging it, and we're already starting to make lifestyle plans for our future.

the problem for real estate investing, is that we did the dave ramsey class together, and she's huge on not being in debt. she's struggled to get out of it in the past, and has only her student loans left. assuming the world doesn't end, haha, she'll be out of debt in about 12-16 months, and still in her early 20s.

when i try to explain the difference between "good" debt that creates more income than it costs, and "bad" debt that doesn't create income, or appreciation. consumer debt vs business debt. that kind of thing... it doesn't really click tho, and she's still hesitant.

she's a w2 earner (i'm a 1099) with decent income, so she could easily land an FHA loan and lock in a house hack within the next year, allowing her to save/invest tons of money and kick the whole thing off even faster. i would love to present this to her in a way that doesn't seem forced, or "i'm right you're wrong do it my way". i want her to really get it on her own, to understand the power that real estate has to change your life.

anyone else dealt with this before? anyone got any recommendations? books would probably be better than podcasts/videos. or maybe just articles too? idk.

any help is much appreciated. all the best,

DP

Jim K. · Answer

So your profile tells me you're a 27-year-old musician. You "did Dave Ramsey" with your girlfriend: she locked on, you ho-hummed. She was trapped by debt once, understands through Dave Ramsey that getting out from under it is as much about psychology as it is about mathematics. You, on the other hand, feel you have more of a handle on it, so you mansplained to her all about "bad debt" and "good debt," but "it doesn't really click, tho." So now we know you think of her as at least half-a-bimbo.

You have all the financial security of a 1099 job standing between you and penury. I assume this job is in music? Do you at least believe in Dave Ramsey enough to have an emergency fund saved up?

You have the REI plans, but she's got the W-2. So she'll be buying the househack you see in her future. And will you be living with her? You haven't mentioned any investment plans that don't involve her money.

This all leads me to one question: is it possible she's not feeling the commitment necessary to go through with this from you?

You should probably start saving for a ring and get ready to prove to your new wife for a few married years that you have the financial discipline and personal commitment to her to follow through with your plans. It may take time and effort. She sounds pretty bright.

Colin Reid · Answer

This is one of the reasons I'm not interested in getting married again. Despite the success of my (our?) business (I had 3 properties before we were married), she did not want to continue investing in real estate. That had nothing to do with our divorce, but now that I'm free to build my business as I see fit, I don't like the idea of someone else having control over my personal or business finances. Business partners with well written partnership agreements are one thing, but a spouse would have too much control/power.

So now if I'm dating someone, I get to TELL her about my business, not SELL her on it.

Andre Juracy Degaspery Cabral · Answer

Hi Daniel, I'm very new here, with the same struggle to convince my wife about investing. So my advice at this time is that you have two goals. The first one is to "be the change" you want her to be. So she can become inspired by your transformation and do it too. The second one is to find out what caused the epiphany in you. Meaning that it doesn't matter how good we are about something. We geek out on that stuff on our own. "They" don't understand it fully yet because they haven't had the epiphany. That is what makes people fall in love with things. Anyways, my advice has nothing to do with investing but mind shifting.

I assume you know your way around this now. Try to remember what disrupted your world so much that you had to do this too.

In my case the Rich dad, poor dad was the sign, over 19 years ago. I knew, right there I was born to be rich. I was really young, had no one to talk about this stuff. Toke me 19 years to have my first property, no debt. Now that it's done I feel its the right time to start investing.

Hope I could be of some help to y'all.

Aloha!

Doug Spence · Answer

@Daniel Porter My favorite book for people curious about getting into real estate is "Retire Early with Real Estate" by Chad Carson. Its a fantastic book about the basics of real estate and why its a powerful wealth building tool. His podcast is great as well. Best of luck!

James Hamling · Answer

@Daniel Porter you could get a key for the property and a nice little velvet box to present it in because, ya-know, it's like a big deal so want to best present it right. And then when she get's home it's only appropriate to honor the moment in all tradition; get down on 1 knee and say "honey, I have a very important question for you, probably the most important question of our entire lives as it will change everything". At this point you will be able to tell she's actually been hoping and waiting for you to include her because she see's the "key" box and is already starting to tear up, a clear sign it's right. And you get her to come close, you show the box and as you open it you say those special words "will you REI with me????"..... Aaaaand prepare for the beating of you life, at least that's how it went down for me. BUT, it worked, REI suddenly became this very important thing she was talking about to literally everyone, lol.

Ryan Howell · Answer

This is very common.  First, I would say its most important that you are on the same page and are doing things you are both comfortable with.  When we get into real estate investing, we all typically gravitate to a specific niche and strategy based on our strengths, goals etc.  When you have two people in the equation, you have to factor in both people's goals/strengths as well.  Maybe she will change her mind on debt, but if not, assess together what it is you want and figure out a strategy together that works for both of you.  Maybe that is buying a small rental all cash to start with or putting money into a RE fund, etc.

Mike Dymski · Answer

Most people pursuing FI get there with savings and index funds.  They are financially way ahead of most people.  She is on the right track.  Real estate is only one strategy and, incidentally, not the most common one.

Riad Bekhechi · Answer

I sold my car for $50K and bought another property with it, that generates over $1K/mth, I told her "Honey, it's like I bought a used Porsche Boxster and I rent it to people to sit in it for $1K a month, and this car keeps or increases in value". She understood and appreciated the humbleness. It's better than trying to tell her "Real estate will allow me to get a Lambo one day" in my book.

Colin Reid · Answer

Completely lost me at "mansplained."

Chris Herrera · Answer

@Daniel Porter one thing you’ll learn is you can’t force anybody to do anything, no matter how hard you try. If you’re trying to convince her to get a loan and buy a property then it’s not going to work. It’s a big decision and for her to do something like that has to come from her own internal motivation and nothing you say will change that.

If it was you buying it and trying to show her why it’s a great idea, then that’s different but otherwise I would just focus on what you can do personally and less on what she should do

how to introduce REI to my girlfriend?

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