How to Win Friends & Influence People in Real Estate

[Zachary C.]

I recently finished reading “How to Win Friends & Influence People” by Dale Carnegie; clearly it is talked about in business circles often for a reason. The book is laid out in four parts with each one containing multiple principles to succeed in that area. A list of the principles is somewhat meaningful on its own. However, each chapter thoroughly explains the principles along with multiple examples from different areas, such as: politics, business, and family life. To get the most from the book it is best to read it as the author intended.

With that being said, I related to the book as I read through it and compared how I had handled situations in my past with similar techniques. Although, I ended up comparing how I had done the opposite of what Mr. Carnegie suggested more often. For instance, I am often forgetful of someone’s name during early encounters and I have been aware of this for some time without finding a suitable remedy. I would also reflect to the different periods in my life (my youth, the Marines, and later business) and try to think of how they might have influenced my habits and approaches. The leadership principles and traits for the Marines have many overlapping similarities; believe it or not. How often Marines follow them is the real question, but some of the most influential leaders I was trained under displayed many from both list. However, there is no doubt that many are often ignored; your mistakes and faults will be directly and swiftly criticized. My earlier endeavors in business were not in any kind of traditional sales, but there is usually some element of sales involved with most things. Also, my business adventures so far have had no employees and only a few partners. These facts may have limited the importance of some of the principles but, in the end, I am sure I would have benefited from the addition of any of them to my repertoire. One area of life where I have had my best experiences with these principles has been through coaching. I have always enjoyed teaching people new skills and sharing what little knowledge I possess that another may not have. Mastering a new skill is almost always challenging and slow going in the beginning; making these principles especially helpful when getting someone through that initial uphill climb. I have already noticed areas where I can start applying more of the principle and have, in fact, already some benefit from doing so.

How have you faired at using the principle of Dale Carnegie in your life? While some of the examples in the book are real estate related, many are not. I am sure that many people, including myself, would benefit from hearing some examples of the principles being applied (perhaps even ignored) in this business community. Whether you have already read the book or not, you have definitely already encountered many of these principles…. The question becomes did you apply them? I included a list of principles below incase it’s been a while or you just haven’t gotten around to reading the book yet. I sincerely look forward to learning from you!

Part One: Fundamental Techniques in Handling people

• Principle 1- Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
• Principle 2- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
• Principle 3- Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two: Ways to Make People Like You

• Principle 1- Become genuinely interested in other people.
• Principle 2- Smile.
• Principle 3- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
• Principle 4- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Principle 5- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
• Principle 6- Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

Part Three: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

• Principle 1- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
• Principle 2- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
• Principle 3- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
• Principle 4- Begin in a friendly way.
• Principle 5- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
• Principle 6- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
• Principle 7- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
• Principle 8- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
• Principle 9- Be sympathetic with the others person’s ideas and desires.
• Principle 10- Appeal to the nobler motives.
• Principle 11- Dramatize your ideas.
• Principle 12- Throw down a challenge.

Part Four: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

• Principle 1- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
• Principle 2- Call attention to the people’s mistakes indirectly.
• Principle 3- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
• Principle 4- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
• Principle 5- Let the other person save face.
• Principle 6- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
• Principle 7- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
• Principle 8- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
• Principle 9- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.