Involving Your Spouse

[Jason Pinkerton]

I'm sure many of you have been here. YOU are getting into real estate investing and are very passionate about it. You become so passionate about it, you talk about it a LOT. You want your spouse to be passionate about it as well, however, they don't see things like you do. You feel like you "get it" and see things differently (likely attributable to a book like Rich Dad, Poor Dad) and that they would get it too if they just gave real estate a chance. But alas, they want to play it safe and think your wild ideas are dangerous. So obviously having the support of your spouse is very important, especially since it will involve both your finances, positively or negatively. So how does one get their spouse involved and even excited about real estate investing? Just as important, how does one prevent turning them off from real estate investing (i.e. doing it the wrong way)? Thanks for any feedback!

[Raymond M Dalida]

Hey Jason,

I'm going through the same thing. I've been working on it and have made some progress. I don't know what your financial's are like, but I'm getting into REI to have more financial freedom for my family. She said to me "I don't want to get into fights about finances" and I said "Ok. But if we don't do something else to better our financial situation now, we'll be fighting about finances in 5 years when we're in the same place. So I'd rather fight now and do something about it than wait 5 years and still fight about finances when we're in the same spot". Right then I could see the light go off that peaked her interest. Since then I've shown her examples on paper with future projections and multiple exit strategies for her "what if's". I tell her "even if we don't make any cash flow now, in 30 years when our tenants pay off our mortgages we'll have cash flow for our retirement".

My advice to you is start out slow and have it on paper. A good tool to use would be the PDF you can print using the BP calculators  @ www.biggerpockets.com/analysis. Show her a deal and plant the seed. Only give her exit strategies to parry her doubts at first. Keep it simple and short at the beginning. I tried to go over my whole strategy and all my exit strategies and future plans in the same initial conversation. Did not go well. Her eyes glazed over after the first min of my 10 min vocal presentation. I think I lost her somewhere between ROI, ARP and BRRRR.

So I've throttled down and she seems to be much more perceptive. I've shown her on paper the numbers of a deal. She sees me reading RE books and reading BP posts and forums every day, doing the webinars on Wed's and showing her analysis for the kind of deals I'm looking for. Answering all her questions, mostly to do with exit strategies or as she would say "what if x happens?". All the while reassuring her that I have our family's best interests in mind and would always do everything in my power to keep our family out of harms way. That investing is all about the numbers and not emotional. And prove to her, with examples on paper, that not only do I know how to do the homework, but that I will do my homework when it's game time. 

It's still a work in progress. She's on board with REI now and has offered her help if I need it, but still not totally excited yet. It's still "my project". My next step is getting her Rich Dad Poor Dad on audiobook, so she can listen effortlessly in the car on the way to work.

I hope this helps Jason. I feel your pain. But I really believe if you find the right way to communicate this venture with your wife, she'll be on board. It may be as little as getting her to listen to Rich Dad Poor Dad or trying one property to see how it works, but start small and ask for little in the beginning. There's a lot of horror stories out there about investing. Get educated and be able to ease her worries with that education. I think if you're persistent (in a good way) and can back up the information you share with her, sooner or later she'll come around. Even if it's just in the slightest at first.

Make it happen!

Ray