Am I too Soft? How to: harden your skin

[Alexander Ball]

Hi BP members,

I am in the process of selling my house.  Just yesterday I had a sale guy come out to give me an estimate on some work.  I found the gentleman quite offensive (racist, sexist, homophobic) and the product was far outside of my budget.

Even still, I had such a strong compulsion to pay more, to help this guy out.  He drove out to my place, he's trying to make a sale, and maybe I should just sign the contract for the estimate he gave.  Even for someone who I had a strong personal distaste for, I often find myself just trying to make everyone happy.

I am not afraid of conflict, I used to compete in martial arts, I debate, I say my piece, I stand up for myself at work -- however I just want people to be happy.

How do you get better at telling people no?  Is it a learned skill like anything else, or is there a particular mindset you get yourself into when you need to disappoint someone?