Pay rent for your partners house or to buy your own place?

Question

Should you pay rent if living with your boyfriend who’s paying mortgage for that place? While you are able to purchase your own place.

And if you end up buying your own place and still want to live with your boyfriend at his place, while renting your place out, for example, then how do you share the expanses so it would be fair for both parties.

I offered him to add me on his title so I would also be investing in a way (since I have the ability to buy my own place, and giving him “rent” money doesn’t really make sense), but he doesn’t seam like he wants to add me on the title, which I understand and don’t want to pressure him.

Thank you guys and I really appreciate any answers.

Caleb Brown · Answer

I might be old school but I'd never move in with a boyfriend/girlfriend. If you can buy your own house then do it. You'd start building equity, find a property that'd be an ideal house hack. If you guys get engaged/married then you can change course.

Kyle Parks · Answer

@Ana FranchiThis is an intersection of life and money. People here are rightfully saying that you would be subsidizing his lifestyle which is true, to an extent. But you said boyfriend. Not husband, not fiance. In my opinion that changes the game dramatically. With a boyfriend you are more of a romantically involved roommate than a life partner (not to say this won't or can't change). As for what you should do with your money - if you move in with your dude and he charges you a below market rate I would consider buying a cash flowing multifamily. If things don't work out you still have something in your back pocket. At the end of the day ask 100 people get 100 takes on this.

Greg R. · Answer

These are two different things. 1) should you pay rent if you're living with your boyfriend, and 2) should you buy a house if you're able to. Let's not intertwine these two things and merge them into one scenario - they are different. If you are living with your boyfriend (or anyone else for that matter) and they are paying a mortgage, then yes you should pay rent. Why wouldn't you? Also, why would he add you to title? Did you offer to buy-in to the house? He had to have cash down and has also earned equity. Why would he give that away? You should offer to buy-in to the house if you want to be a partner. To the other scenario, you are able to buy a house, should you? Well, that depends on your personal goals. Buying just because you can isn't always the best option. You would first need to decide why you are buying, is this an investment, or a principal residence? The answer to that would significantly alter your approach.

Carlos Ptriawan · Answer

And old school is the best :) LOL and I'm saying this from CA.

Greg R. · Answer

Thank you Ana... I completely agree that love is a tricky business. So question, you gave him 10k up front 2 years ago, but haven't paid rent since? Was the agreement that you and him had that you would live there rent free? Unfortunately verbal promises don't have any legal grounds (for the most part). And what was the purpose of the 10k? Was that supposed to be to make repairs to the house and get it ready for listing - and after the sale you would get your 10k ++?

Greg R. · Answer

But wait... so person A and person B enter into a relationship. Person A has a home before meeting person B, person B does not own a home. At this point person A is a bad guy and is "winning", and person B is "losing"? How do you know that the boyfriend is not paying a 3k mortgage and charging his GF $800 a month? What if the monthly rent that she's paying now is way less than what she was paying prior renting an apartment? Is she still losing? Too many wild assumptions in your post that paint the BF as the bad guy. For all we know he's done a ton for his GF and has provided a great home for much less than she was paying prior. Or maybe not, but we shouldn't assume based off the very limited info we have.

Patricia Steiner · Answer

Paying rent isn't building or preserving your wealth. It's a downright use of cash. You're subsidizing your boyfriend. Bottom line financially: he wins, you lose.If you purchased a property as owner occupied - which has a lower interest rate and may even help you with closing costs as a first time homeowner - then no, you would be contractually prohibited from renting it out and using it as an investment property. People do this but it comes with risk if you're caught - including with the property appraiser's office in your city if you claim as a non-rental property.My recommendation would be to take care of yourself first and start putting your money to work for you in building and preserving your wealth. When you start to value yourself more, others will too. Put yourself first - and quit subsidizing other people's wealth.

Bryce Jamison · Answer

This is more of a relationship/personal question as opposed to a financial/BiggerPockets questions.From a purely financial standpoint if I had the ability to buy my own house and build equity, or rent it out and cash flow, I'd prefer to do that as opposed to paying rent all things being equal. I wouldn't want to pay someone else's mortgage down and not reap the benefits of appreciation and tax write offs. All other expenses can be split 50/50. This can be an accounting nightmare though in a relationship with so many shared and personal expenses. Unless your married I also wouldn't pay each bother's bills like student loans and car payments because if the relationship ends neither one of you has a way to recoup those funds.From a relationship standpoint (and this is the approach I would take in your position). I'd sit down one evening, maybe open a bottle of wine, and figure out what the future looks like for you 2 and what are your individual and shared goals. This conversation will then direct how you move forward and split expenses. Fair warning, this could be a very difficult conversation where you find out your visions of what the future looks like don't align. If you 2 are talking about getting more serious (married) have this same conversation in regards to money, politics, religion, kids, and in laws. Him not wanting to add you to the deed concerns me, and you understanding why he doesn't want to confuses me. Life and relationships are hard and complex though, so maybe there's pieces to the puzzle I'm not privy to.Good luck!

Kyle Parks · Answer

@Ana Franchi Just saw your second message. You need all that in writing. Business is business.

Dave Skow · Answer

@Ana Franchi- interesting question ...every situation like this is different as it depends on many factors and the relationship .... regarding buying a rental property - do you have enought funds for a 15% down payment + costs ? ( this is what you need at a minimum for a rental ) ...can you qualify for a rental loan ? if yes to both - consider getting pre approved and buy a rental property if the numbers work .....regarding you paying " rent " ....maybe offer to pay for all the utliities as this might make the dicotomy feel better versus calling it " rent " - all the best