A Kind Deed ....is it really kind? by Nancy Neville

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I have a sweet little neighbor who lives across the street from us, who just lately has been returning our garbage can for us every Wednesday, after the garbage collectors pick it up from the curb. She puts it nice and neat by our garage.

As sweet as this is I had to tell her that as much as we appreciated it (I call her our “little elf across the street) we don’t expect her to do this every Wednesday or AT ALL.  The reason I had to say anything at all to her, was because I valued our friendship, and the respect that we have for one another as neighbors. 

Doing a good deed once for someone is appropriate, but once someone does a good deed for the same person on a routine basis, then the person doing the good deed begins to feel pressure on themselves to keep doing it, because now they think it’s expected of them, and they don’t know how to “get out of it” Thus, bitterness develops, anger, and a lashing out, which ends up in “Bad Blood” between them.  

As a landlord giving advice to others I hear quite often that they (landlords) would rather “work” with their tenants when it comes to the Security Deposits and rent, and even the due dates, because they want to help them out.  

It truly is a “Kind Deed”, to do this, but once you do it, it changes the lease agreement and the courts can say to you from this point forward, that you did it once, and therefore, the poor tenant can’t understand why you can’t make allowance again when they fall into financial troubles in the future.   Therefore, the “good deed”, now is no longer a good deed, but a deed you wished you never had done.  Plus it has cost you plenty, financially, and inwardly. Your feelings and the tenant’s feelings have now damaged your landlord/tenant relationship with each other. 

It’s tough to turn down a “Good Deed”. Hey, it was nice having that garbage can put back by our garage every Wednesday, who wouldn’t enjoy that! Snow is deep. It’s cold outside. But I valued our friendship too much to have it turn into a gesture no longer valued by both of us.

Therefore, whenever you have the desire, the impulse to help your tenants out, the best way to help them out, and keep them, is to not help them out.

Nancy Neville