Looking for feedback on Direct Mail script - (I wrote myself

[Ian W]

Dear Homeowner,

I drove by your home in Maryland and would like to make an offer to purchase it. I want to buy your home in Maryland asap, so please call me when you get this.

(Note) I would like to purchase within the next 15 days.

Regards,
name
(PH) xxx.xxx.xxxx

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This is for out of state owners and would be placed in black and white on a card with no graphics. Any feedback would be good.