How to convince your significant other to learn about Real Estate

Question

Hi guys,

I wanted to create a discussion in how you convinced your significant other to learn about Real Estate? My wife and I have an exceptional relationship, we are best friends. However, when it comes to Real Estate, she is not really interested about learning it. Sometimes I tell her how amazing are some of the books I read and that she needs to read them as well. She insists watching Netflix is more fun :). I believe when your significant other is on the same page as you, things will go smoother. My last proposition to her was to pay her some cash for each book she reads and now she is kind of considering it ;). I am not going to quit you guys! One day I will be posting she was finally bit by the Real Estate bug. Hope everyone is staying safe!

Greg Dickerson · Answer

Short answer is you don't. Your wife is her own person and you need to let her do her own thing. My wife has never been involved in any of my investments or companies. Just do t=your thing and if she wants to join she will in her own time but don't let her disinterest stop you. Keep on after it and knock it out of the park. That will get her attention.

Joe P. · Answer

@Alex Ramirez how does your wife convince you to like some of the things she likes or is passionate about? E.g. if she enjoys traveling, wine tasting, car maintenance, et al? Truth be told, she is she, you are you -- if someone doesn't have the desire to do something, there's no point in trying to convince them.

Rather, more importantly, you need to have trust with your wife. You want to make major financial decisions that could either destroy your economic profile, maintain it to some degree, or improve it drastically -- it's all risk. Your wife has to trust you and has to be behind this, and be happy with the information and process you are following. Because even if ALL of that is met, if things go south, the last thing you need is an unhappy wife who was never on board in the first place.

A small example, but something I always think about in my marriage -- my wife and I were (many years) ago not yet engaged, but decided to get a dog. I wanted a Dachshund. I wanted one so bad. That's the only dog I wanted and she seemed like she was on board -- we went to a dachshund rescue place, we found our dog, we loved him, and we brought him home. A week later we brought him back to the shelter.

We didn't do our due diligence, the dog had major health and hygiene issues my wife was not comfortable with, the dog and our existing cat were in literal pissing wars over territory, and lo and behold -- my wife never. wanted. a. dog. She was doing it to placate me.

Don't let your wife placate you. Don't placate your wife. You guys need to be lock, stock, and barrel on this decision. Because if getting a dog isn't something you can agree on and can cause tension or trust issues, imagine taking every liquid penny in your name and putting it into a house.

You don't need to convince her to have a passion. You need to convince her that this is a good economic decision, and she needs to trust you. If she doesn't, don't do it. More money can't fix a marriage not built on trust, understanding, and agreement.

Filipe Pereira · Answer

Hi @Alex Ramirez,

This came up in one of the podcasts long long ago. What that interviewee said worked for him is that he tied each purchase or advancement in his real estate goals to something that his wife liked. and his case, his wife really liked to travel. So every time they bought a new house they went on a trip. obviously this is a very big proposition, but maybe you can scale it down to fit your needs.

In my case, my girlfriend and I go out for a really dinner after I have a big real estate win. It's something she values and it turns into a fun little way to stay motivated and focused.

Melissa Uppelschoten · Answer

Such a great question. I agree with the responses that you don't. In my case, I just needed my husband to believe in me. He didn't need to do anything else. He is an extremely risk averse person. So before he agreed to me doing this, I had to get the blessing of our financial advisor to ensure it wouldn't mess up our long term retirement goals. The advisor said that I could use $200k for 2 years, no problem, and if I lost it, it wouldn't be the end of the world. That was four years ago.

Thankfully, I have made really good financial decisions with that money, completed four renovations and looking for my next. With each success, my husband gets on board more and more. We refinanced two of the rentals we still own and his name is now on the lease. He loves telling me how many investor calls he gets each week with someone wanting to buy our properties.

All the best to you! ...Melissa

Nicholas L. · Answer

Hi @Alex Ramirez I agree with the other posters who said that it's best not to pressure.  But I'm curious if real estate as a path to FI would be of interest.  Check out "Playing with Fire" on Amazon, or Kristy Shen's story, or Paula Pant's podcast.

Brian G. · Answer

@Alex Ramirez it’s not that important that she is as interested as you in RE, knows as much, is as excited, as educated about it as you are, etc. What is important is that you both agree on how you are going to invest in RE since you are a team. Personally, I’ve done a TON of reading, research, etc over several years by myself as I wrestled with what our strategy should be given our specific situation. Over time I discussed my research and findings with my wife by discussing different investing strategies with her that we could pursue. In the end, we went with the strategy that she was most comfortable with after we discussed the pros/cons of each. Trust me, if you make some wise investments as a couple that make money her interest in RE will grow and she will learn a bunch as you go by doing. She may never have a hunger to immerse herself in RE as much as you but that won’t keep you two from being successful.

Kevin Paglia · Answer

Hahaha...  My wife turned my on to real estate, now it is an absolute that i will do it.  Last night talking with plans I told her MY real estate empire is mostly hands off for her.  She has worked hard for 25 years in accounting and struggled to become one of the best.  WHEN I have enough doors, she gets to retire and never work again in her life.  I asked for maybe 5 hours a week from her to keep my books on track.

Approach your wife with the "time invested now, allows for a life she never thought possible" approach.  pitch the things she always wanted to do buy	 couldn't due to work and finances.  Get her excited that the future belongs to the both of you, working as a team.

Michael S. · Answer

Totally agree with @Greg Dickerson - my wife thought I was insane when I told her my business partner and I had formed an LLC and were buying our first SFH.  That said, I have always remained open and transparent with her about the REI activity.

Initially, 95% of the time, she didn't care or rolled her eyes when REI came up;  to be fair, she also didn't hinder my REI whatsoever.  The 5% of the time she was actually interested, I would present her whatever data she was curious about.  After a few years, she's actually now interested about 7% of the time.  Maybe when I retire she'll get to being interested 20% of the time...

Nah, probably not.

Michael Noto · Answer

Your significant other does not have to be directly involved or have a knowledge base in real estate for you to be successful. What she does have to do respect is your work ethic and passion because in the end if you screw up or succeed it directly impacts them. If that mutual respect is there then you can move forward with a clear head and grow your business, it is very tough sledding otherwise.

My wife runs her own marriage/family therapist business which I know nothing about, and she has very limited knowledge of real estate. To be honest, it works great for us because the foundation of respecting each others work ethic is there. Best of luck.

QuoVadis Gates · Answer

I'd suggest making it fun by watching a documentary or a movie showing the process and how investors prosper... and use that to push the conversation.

Movie Ideas are:

- The Banker

- The Big Short

- I Love You, Man

- 99 Homes

- Larry Crowne

- Pocket Listing

How to convince your significant other to learn about Real Estate

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