How to start a business with your spouse

Question

Hi! My husband and I are starting a business together. I need advice on how to separate private vs personal life and is it a good idea to do business with your spouse ?

Linda Weygant · Answer

Here is how my partner and I do this.

1.  Each of us has pre-defined duties.  For example, I do lease-ups, renewals and tenant communication.  I do the accounting and any legal stuff and am THE point person on all of these.  I manage the planning, scope of work and subcontractor management for any remodels.

2.  He handles repairs/maintenance and shopping for same as well as the majority of the analysis for acquisitions.

We bounce ideas off of each other and we discuss major issues, but when push comes to shove, one of us is the decision maker in each category.

Yes, I have gone to plunge a toilet or meet a technician when he couldn't.  Yes, he has shown properties when I couldn't.  But by and large, we stick to our lanes.

This method keeps us from stepping on each others' toes, which is the biggest source of conflict for couples in business together.

If one of us struggles with a decision, we certainly ask advice.  If one of us made a poor decision, the other certainly holds them accountable.

We developed this model from my parents, who were in business together from before I was born until my father died 4 years ago (something like 56 years).  The always organized their businesses in this way.  My mother was always in charge of accounting, inventory management, administrative issues, financial decisions, etc.  My father made work, job and inventory decisions; hired, fired and managed personnel (although the time my mother fired an employee on the spot is an epic story); handled customer relations, etc.

Some of their business-related arguments were legendary.  My partner and I have blown the roof off the house with shouting about business, so I'm not saying this is a foolproof way to avoid marital conflict because of the business.

But it's a good start.

Whether or not the business issues actually affect your relationship comes down to how you communicate, how you handle conflict and how you come to resolution.  If one of you cannot handle criticism (constructive or otherwise), things will be rough.  If one of you does not know how to keep criticism constructive, that's also going to make things rough (never call your spouse fat, ugly or stupid - anything else can be forgiven).  If either of you is looking to place blame rather than just work to figure out what went wrong so you can figure out solutions, then business together will be impossible.

Best of luck!

Jessica Muto · Answer

Though new to the real estate world, I have been married for 10 years and run a busy and growing business with my husband for 5 of them. In a nutshell, we have found that we could not imagine doing this with anyone else. It's the two of us against the world, and we've found that it's great having a business partner who wants the best for our family as well as the business. We do each have our roles in the business, and we have to respect each other's authority especially when it comes to our employees. I think it works because our strengths and interests are so different we naturally veer to our own lanes and shine in areas where the other isn't as strong, making us better as a team. Where we have to overlap (dealing with customers or employees, making financial decisions about the business) talking and asking questions helps us figure out who is the best choice for each task. Each relationship is different, of course, but I wouldn't want to work with anyone else. Ideally, you want what's best for your spouse, and your spouse wants what's best for you, and if each of you has that goal, it's much easier to trust decisions you may not understand completely, and to give the benefit of the doubt when you're tempted to be upset. At the end of the day, we both want US to be successful, and by constantly talking about our goals we are able to help each other stay focused on what we want to do and be creative about solving any problems that come up. Honestly, it's the best!

That's my two cents as the owner of a busy plumbing company and future real estate investor - I wouldn't want to do it without him.

Nathan Gesner · Answer

@Martha Codio it's difficult but worth it for those that are successful. My wife and I work together. I started the business and she was doing the bookkeeping a couple hours a week. Then she got her license and helped me with sales.

We butt heads because I'm more business-minded and she doesn't have the same vision or standards. We've learned to manage over the years. On one hand, she can be difficult because I ask her for something (as the boss) and she takes it as a suggestion, not an order. On the other hand, she is more of a partner and a better sounding board than a typical employee might be.

You just have to find your groove.

Kyle Mitchell · Answer

@Martha Codio My fiance and I work together and started our real estate syndication company together.  It's definitely not easy but I think it's all about having a shared vision and goal.  If you are not on the same page then it will not work.  We wrote out our goals together and have them up on our wall so we see if everyday.  I would also say that planning things out in advance is a must.  We schedule personal time for ourselves every week so we know when to separate work from personal.  We are still building our company so there is more work than play right now but we are working towards that shared vision.

Jim S. · Answer

My wife and I have worked together in the past with mixed results.  The only way to divide your work life from your personal life is to agree to not talk business during non-business hours- and then stick to that rule.  Of course there are exceptions to this when something comes up and you'll have to, but try to make it the exception rather than the rule.  Nothing ruins a Thanksgiving dinner quite like a nice work discussion!

Tyler Gregerson · Answer

Something that is helping me with a similar business-oriented relationship with my wife is to both have your own 'mentors' or just someone you are separately learning from and then discuss ideas as a partnership. (My wife is a Realator and I'm working on the business/investment side) It can certainly be done!

Angel Perez · Answer

There is no general rule for this. Every relationship is different. I owned a business on my own and my spouse was not involved and she complained that I did not spend enough time with her. I think it would of benefited from bringing her in.

Thomas S. · Answer

I personally would advise against doing business with a spouse however in this business since most start of small it is very difficult to not work together. If once you grow in size you can replace one spouse with a employee you will be much happier. Business and personal should best never go together.

In my opinion it is necessary to establish well defined job functions and not to interfere with each persons operations if you must work together. Where responsibilities cross over you will have issues. My wife handles the books and I handle the physical operations and tenants. I could do her job, although much differently, she could never do mine. Know your strengths and trust the other to do their job assuming of course that you actually know each others abilities. You will likely start out working together, learning each others abilities then separate and specialise.

Never tell the other how to do their job.

Remember your business is a job, once it is up and running don't bring it home with you at the end of the day.

How to start a business with your spouse

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