Being an introvert in a extrovert RE world

[Ree Rolle]

Good morning BP!

I am looking to purchase my first owner occupied multi family in February 2020. Right now I am working on gathering my team together. Reaching out to agents, getting contractor prices, looking for lenders, looking for attorneys, etc. I would like to network more with people and build relationships further than just my team like partnerships and stuff....but I’m having trouble being that I am introverted. I may be overthinking this but that’s apart of the job(sarcasm) of being introverted.

I will be going to my first meet up for real estate investors in my area this weekend. My question is how do you go about building those relationships that turn into potential partnerships, etc? Do we become friends first and then I mention partnering with you? Do I mention it as early as the first initial conversation? How do I know if the business relationship vibe is there? What do I look for generally when looking for a partner?

Any suggestions will be helpful!

Signed, an introvert

[Ritch Bonisa]

@Ree Rolle Wow!  I totally understand, I'm an introvert as well.  In my experience -  if you stay too quiet others assume you are a pushover and will take advantage or maybe not consider you.  Also, in my experience, if you are a little more outspoken, honest, and direct -  sometimes this can push people away.  

Remember - there are advantages and disadvantages to being an introvert or an extrovert.  Many introverts are deeper thinkers, have a sense of loyalty, develop fewer relationships (but deeper relationships), and operate much better 1 on 1 vs. groups or crowds.  Identify your strengths and use them. 

I do not prefer small groups where I don't know the other people well.  I really enjoy a 1 on 1 where I get to know others and understand who they are and what their motivations are.  I definitely prefer 1 on 1 conversations.  I attend groups and events about once a month and sometimes I have to speak.  I actually don't mind that part - it can be fun. 

I like to focus on one person at a time.  If it doesn't click well, then just move on to another person.  This actually makes it like searching for and purchasing a property - if it's not a good fit, then just move on.  And, yes, you might go through 10 people before you find one that works (same with finding a property).  In life, and in investment - the situation needs to be right for YOU. If it's not, just move on.  

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert - be careful about who you believe and who's information you trust, especially if you seek a partnership.  I hate to say this, but there are many who work in this world of investment that aren't totally honest, and many who suffer from a total lack of ethics. There are many people out there who will figure out how to take advantage of you to enrich themselves.  

The people that have helped me the most and taught me a lot - just happened to be introverts (what I mean here is - they are not people who handle themselves in a way that says "HEY, LOOK AT ME AND HOW GREAT I AM."  My advice is to stay away from the "LOOK AT ME" people. 

As you are starting out - here are some things to consider:

Anything you hear or (learn) - verify it through another source.  Doing this will help reinforce what you learn and enable you to make better decisions in the future, and make those decisions quicker. 

Always ask yourself - What is the other person's motivation or agenda?  This will help protect you to some extent, and it will also allow you to understand the processes that others use.  Overall, it makes you stronger and smarter. 

If it doesn't benefit you - then, don't do it.  I don't mean be selfish.  I do mean look out for your interests first.  Once you get going and have some experience under your belt, then, you can help others by sharing your experience and knowledge.   

Learn enough to be confident, then take action.  We live in a "Look at me" world. Sometimes introverts are perceived as lacking confidence.  You and I know that's not always the case, sometimes far from it.  There is great wisdom in a person who is confident, but not braggadocious. 

Ask questions and commit to nothing. Ask and listen. Here's where understanding motivations of others really helps. This is where you learn and  test what you've learned about others, and about investing.  When the right opportunity presents itself - you will know. 

If you're attending an event and need to meet new people that might be able to help you in your investment career - start with one person in the room and ask 2 or 3 questions.  If it sparks an interesting conversation - then GREAT!.  If it doesn't, go find another person and repeat the process. Ask people questions like "why did you do that?" or "what was your goal?"  "What were the steps you used in that process?"  Probe for responses to the how and why questions.  Once, you think maybe you've learned something - then engage in conversations that will prove or refute what you think you have learned.  As you ask questions, you also want to make a judgement (mentally) on the response you are hearing. Are you like minded and in synch with this person's responses, or does your gut disagree?  While you do this, keep asking yourself,"Does this person seem ethical?" "Are they credible?"

Eventually, you will meet one or two people who will seem trustworthy and be willing to help you in a genuine way.  Main thing is to determine if this person is trying to help or if they are trying to sell you something. 

Becoming friends first.  Maybe just look at it as -  searching for someone with credibility. 

I hope I said something in there that is helpful to you as you move forward.  I have learned that investing is more about practicality, and less about optimistic hopefulness. It's about logic, not about uneducated gambling. Fact vs. fiction, understanding methodology and systematic approach.  Breaking it down into philosophy.  I still take out a sheet of paper and list the pros and cons, and consider the ideas on worst case scenarios.