The Story of Noah in 2016

[Ken Rishel]

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said: "Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.” "Build another ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no ark. "Noah!," He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed." "I needed a building permit." Since this was going to be mobile housing, "I've been arguing with the HUD about the need for a sprinkler system." "Once I started making headway with HUD, the Coast Guard claimed they had the real authority." "Now the two agencies are arguing over who has authority, and both of them want a copy of your educational credentials and your professional licenses."

“Then, my neighbors claimed that I violated the neighborhood by-laws by building the ark in my back yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the local Planning Committee for a decision.” “I went to the ALCU for help citing religious freedom, but they wanted no part of it.” “I finally won that one on my own, because all the local churches contended you would have gone directly to them for help instead of me."

"Then the local Council and the electric company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear none of it.” “I finally came up with the money and fees they demanded."

“After clearing that hurdle, getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl.” "I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!” I finally was able to get wood out of China but only after filing Economic Impact Reports and getting the Import Licenses.”

“ To save time, I had my sons starting to gather the animals so that was done and we could concentrate on building the Ark once we had all the proper licenses and permits. "When they started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”

"About the same time, the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”

"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.” "The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."

"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with more than $10,000.00 in assets – meaning the animals.” “They also persuaded Homeland Security to seize all of our family’s passports and obtained a court order to prevent us from leaving the country through means of a flood.” “ We all all being investigated as terrorists as well.”

"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this ark.” “Even if I do get it finished, the government would prevent us from using it."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?”

"No," said the Lord. "The U.S. Government beat me to it.”