Just starting out... how do you handle spouses fears?

[Michael Pilarski]

Hi Everyone,

I've been interested in real estate investing for a while now. It's taken a long time to get my credit straight and debts paid down. I'm still working on build cash reserves for down payments etc. (very low and taking forever to build) I know I can find the money as long as the deal is right and there are creative was of using what I have (ex. HELOC, turning over traditional 401k to SDIRA), but my question is how do you handle doing anything when your spouse has nothing to do with real estate, does not want to learn anything about real estate, and is fearful you will be putting the both of you into unrecoverable debt? I know this is a great time to jump in and take that risk, but I don't want to knowing my wifes fears. I know there are no guarantees in life, but I want to make her coomfortable enough that I can get started building our wealth and get her to at least comprehend what I'm doing to calm here fears. Any feedback would greatly be appreciated.

[Kama Ward]

Hi- Wife here!
" It's taken a long time to get my credit straight and debts paid down. " This indicates that you may have not have been so responsible with money in the past. She may feel insecure about it still.

"HELOC, turning over traditional 401k to SDIRA" - putting the house and or retirement at risk: more insecurity

"Completely out of debt... Probably a good 5 years off." This indicates you either have a ton of debt or a small income (i'm guessing small income) more insecurity

"we're getting there but by that time it'll more than likely be too late to build the wealth I would like for us" This indicates either ignorance or impatience/immaturity on your part (don't mean it harshly). Any time is a good time for real estate!!- the real estate investor must just adjust their strategy to market reality. She must feel this too.

The best time to invest is when *you* are ready to invest.

So my advice to you, as a wife who, with my husband, went from debt/ low income to good income, no debt and re investments:

1. Be patient with your wife, and yourself. Realize there will always be opportunity. Lay off the real estate talk for a while.

2. Show Don't Tell: Work like a dog to get out of debt. Extra jobs, insane hours, serious budgeting that you both work on together every month. Maybe that second job is in a real estate field.

3. Sell her the dream: Not the real estate dream, but her dream! What does she want more than anything?- does not necessarily mean a consumer item. This goes with what Brian said, but take time to listen and find her exact needs/desires. Tell her how you want to help her realize her dreams- of security, nice house, travel, good education for the kids etc.

4. So you are now in less or no debt, your income is higher, your wife feels like she has a safety net under her, and is excited about her dreams. You have less urgency and more confidence in your voice. Real estate is a natural next step in fulfilling those dreams! Go for it!

Good Luck!!