To my fellow introverts....

[Jay Helms]

How do you handle your anxiety at your monthly in-person meetups? OR do you forgo the meeting all together because of your anxiety and just scavenge the forums here on BP?

[Linda Weygant]

I am an introvert, but have learned to wear an extrovert mask.  Here's how it works for me.

It was very difficult at first, but I went to the same meetups, month after month.  For the first few, I would stand in a corner with a drink and watch.  Invariably, somebody who is more extroverted would come to draw me into a conversation - usually the host.  I would do my best to be charming and this was sometimes aided by a beer or two.  (We can debate alcohol as a social lubricant another time and whether or not it really makes me more charming).

After a while, I would talk to the same 3-4 people each time and eventually friendships - and later, business partnerships - blossomed.  

I gained a little bit of social confidence, probably after about 8 months to a year (this was never a fast process, nor was it ever deliberate).  My issue is that I craved knowledge and I was willing to make myself uncomfortable to get it.

Four years later, and these gatherings now work like this:

I meet up with a core group of friends before the meetups and we have dinner and a drink or two ahead of time.  This is our time to be silly, catch up on what each other is doing and generally, for me, a time to gear myself up for the networking ahead.  This keeps the group of friends form using valuable networking time to maintain the personal friendships.  

My friends now, for the most part, push me away during the actual meetup portion.  Why?  Because they care about me, but also themselves.  As one of them explained to me, when you've got an introvert hanging on your coattails, it's hard to network and do what you came to the meet up to do.  I think, subtly, they also know that I can now hold my own at these meetups.  I'm also aware of not being a social leech, so I try hard to be independent.  But, I've become a sort of Go To expert on a couple of topics and, for me, when I'm talking about a topic I am very knowledgeable about, my shyness goes away.  And, again, a drink or two doesn't hurt with this.  During the evening, as my friends meet new people, they will invariably point at me and tell the person they just met "you need to talk to Linda, she knows about what the topic you just brought up", so my friends kind of funnel people to me a little bit as well.

In the last 18 months, I've actually begun speaking in public.  I speak at Real Estate conferences and even taught a seminar at Loyola University last summer.  Terrifying, but overall a great experience.  This was partially enabled by my ability to attend networking events, but also by some other work I've been doing as well

All of this does come with a price, as most introverts will know.  Afterwards, I need some alone time to recharge and process everything and it does take me a day or two to bounce back.

Short story - if you meet me at a public gathering, I am probably already at least one drink in.  I think it makes me charming.  Your opinion may vary.