Talking to people gives me anxiety. Am I in the wrong business?

Question

So I admit I come into real estate from a place of wanting to boost and secure future financial independence, not necessarily due to a love of the field itself. I was mainly inspired to start researching investment properties by listening to podcasters like Paula Pant.

Now, as I'm learning, a huge portion of succeeding in real estate is going out and talking to people -- investors, contractors, neighbors, residents of areas to invest in, etc. Making connections, networking, and starting conversations.

The thing is, I absolutely hate to do that. I can deal with talking to people if I have specific business or questions for someone in particular, but just chatting people up for the sake of it is something that gives me extreme anxiety. Going to meetups doesn't sound like fun for me, it sounds like a grueling chore. Am I simply not cut out for this business? I would rather know that now than find out years down the line. Or, is there anyone out there who has a different style of making it work that doesn't involve being extroverted? Is there maybe a certain aspect of real estate better suited for me?

Again, it's not that I can't talk to anyone; I definitely can if it's necessary. It's the general chatting and going out and meeting people just for the sake of making connections that I hate. If it were with people I have legitimate business with, I'd have no problem.

David Cruice · Answer

Jared, I feel your pain, brother. My wife and daughter are exactly the same as you so I understand the challenges you face. It can't simply be overcome by people saying to you, "Go on, get out there. The more people you meet, the more you'll come out of your shell". It just doesn't work like that. My suggestion to you would be to try to partner up with someone you know and trust like a family member, good friend, or maybe a co-worker and who is interested in real estate investment. If you have the drive and passion to success, they can come along for the ride with you. They can be the "face and voice" of the operation, while you can be the brains and driving force behind it. Divide and conquer, my friend! Divide and conquer! Go for it!

Jason D. · Answer

@Jared G. I'm exactly the same way.... I have social anxiety and get very uncomfortable in group settings. I dont go to REI meetings because of that. I'm OK in one on one conversations though, so I can get by pretty well. I would say that do what makes you comfortable, and hire people on your "team" to help you where you feel like you need it. If you can become comfortable with a few good people, you can be successful. I would also say that you should think about what type of investment strategy best fits your personality. I started out super excited about the BRRRR strategy but have recently thought that screening and dealing with tenants may not end up being my cup of tea, so I may pivot to strictly flipping. Do what works for you....

Jim K. · Answer

@Jared G.I'd focus less on what you absolutely hate and focus more on acquiring the skill set to achieve the goals you set for yourself.There's very much this cheap pop psychological belief in our society that some people are introverts, and some are extroverts, and an introvert can never acquire, no matter how hard he works, the social skills than an extrovert has. You're never going to find any sort of person with an actual background in clinical psychology who will agree that's true, but the masses always believe what the masses want to believe to feel better about themselves.The weak-minded also believe much the same things about drawing and using a screwdriver...those things are only for artistic and handy people. The obvious reality, of course, is that practically anyone without obvious physical handicaps and with the right motivation can become reasonably good at drawing or using a screwdriver.So, I would ask you to dare to believe that making conversation is much the same sort of thing, a skill to be learned, and your attitude toward any skill largely dictates how successful you'll be at learning it.On the other hand, if you find talking people up the most distasteful part of this business...well, just wait till you saw out a length of your first soilstack or you're forced to evict a tenant with a baby in the middle of winter.Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Just don't take it or yourself too seriously, and it will help you very much in the initial stages. There are a dozen other used books on improving your conversational skills available for next to nothing on Amazon, or really nothing at your nearest public library. After you get through those, practice, practice, practice.Really, Jared, what do you have to lose? Are you worried that people are going to look down on you? Well, why should you care? Who are they to judge you? What makes them so special? All of them can just go...uh, hmm, I can't say that in a family-friendly forum.Anyway, that's what's worked for me consistently in my adult life. I'm pretty sure it will work for you, too.

Jared G. · Answer

@David Cruice David, thanks for the advice -- I was so ready for someone to immediately respond with "get out there," so I'm very glad you didn't. Lol. I will definitely start talking to people I know.

Dennis M. · Answer

If you don’t like how it’s going for you change it , if it’s not working change it if it doesn’t suit you change it . I can say that because you can change . You don’t ever have to be the same * if you are willing to change .