I'm 35, with a wonderful wife and a big ol' Shepard mix named Brewski.

I don't think you'll find a wifi-capable lock any time soon that doesn't come with a monthly fee.  

Crystal River has been on the upswing, but you are at a good time to be looking in Florida because a lot of areas are on the pricing downswing which could help find a two-family.

Also received a lot of verbal abuse about the +++++ing appliances, my ++++y repair service options, and the incompetence of my homebuilder who tenant says had installed the dryer incorrectly (installed by Lowes, because they won't warranty if anyone other than a professional  they contract with does the installation.

Awesome to see all of the certs you're working on and big things coming for you.If you'd like to connect and talk about the SA market, I'm happy to chat with you when you have some time.

Whatever you do, make sure you are prepared to follow the rules as enforcement can come at any time.

The county you live in may require code inspections if utilities have been off for an extended period of time.

Multiple tenants reported struggling to access their portals at various times.

My only concern is that the time on the market is around 70-100 days. 

Does anyone have any recommendations for professional services in this area?