These simplistic measures also assume that you don't have to dump additional dollars into the property to fix a capital expenditure.

There is plenty of money to lend and plenty of loans being written as long as the risks are fully identifiable and can be mitigated.The major lenders are doing exactly what they should be doing; actually basing their loan programs on measurable risk parameters.

If you really think such measures will be taken in the US (I don't), then investing in the south makes even more sense.

Also public crime stats are a good objective measure that could help in your evaluation.  

I have also had appraisers' square footage measurements be off by 40%+ of what the county records say, as well as other discrepancies that could affect the value or saleability. 

If your planning on waiting, lol, that will be measured in decades, literally. 

Your the only one who is measuring and defining success.

If the buyer comes back after and asks to come in to "measure for curtains", "have a cousin come check the pool filter", "sleep in a tent in the back yard for a night" the answer is "NO".

Suffice to say, the only way that I feel like my life can actually continue in any sort of measurable capacity is if I get out of this house and mortgage.

Again, lots of variables apply and these guidelines have plenty of exceptions (especially renovation which can reset the class), hence my previous assertion that it's a subjective measurement.