The average cost of a call for advertising in large complexes we were told was $60.00 so if we missed a call or failed to book a showing, or refer a call to a sister property if we were full, they figured it was a $60.00 loss per call. 

It is now around 2.5 billion/year but room occupancy & food/bev numbers are great.  

I expect to cut my losses on the 2 duds a 10 unit in Cleveland Heights, right by South Euclid and an 8 unit in Shaker Heights.  

That 1% paid to the mortgage broker is chump change compared to the losses you could incur from the financing actually not happening.2.

Maybe a self storage facility with a flea market and food vendors on weekends?

Selling the home from out of state is not very difficult just find a good realtor, since you just bought the house you can expect to incur some loss due to broker commission etc..

All of which I will render food for thought, as this one is a "new" one for me and you gave me lots to consider.  

You will not get paid anywhere near what you can make on the rent and food is free.  

Youd have to account for the rent you paid yourself as income to the RE, so unless youre operating the RE at a loss I see no tax advantage.

The seller is instead threatening to "not close" unless I sign a statement saying that the "work was completed to my satisfaction", which it has not been, so I am not willing to waive that right, as I estimate the outstanding loss to me to be ~$4,000.