So really, my question just boils down to how best to spend the next 2 years, given the eventual end game i want. 

You should only consider switching when your current software has a significant flaw or lacks features that force you to spend excessive time on workarounds.

On the other hand, you can make money in any area, even areas with no growth as there are still people that live there, even if the population is declining. 

@Mohan Deep, in most situations you will never recover that money.

You can supplement the funds that you're taking out of your home through additional funds from hard money. 

You should only consider switching when your current software has a significant flaw or lacks features that force you to spend excessive time on workarounds.

It'll be more work on the front and back end but can be a great way to make money.

I am new to this so I am running out of ideas but in reality to start living together we need a 4 bd house for our 3 kids and a bunch of pets so we know it would be a house around $800K until we can make more money from our jobs and side hustles.

The equity she wants is $55,000, which I don't have in cash fully, but I own a home now with that in equity, and I have money in an IRA. 

Where I am in Texas if it is a normal loan from normal bank, they step in the day before the sale or morning of the sale and get it resolved and the property never ends up in the sale.If the loan has small balance, or is some kind of private money loan or I would say unsophisticated lender then some chance it goes to sale.