I’ve done some more digging and found “rent ready” comps, which more closely mirror the condition of the property, that would give a valuation I can live with.

It might help to show them on paper how much more they can make and  spread out their income and have less possible income tax liability in the life of the loan. 

Would I rather have $30k today or $1500 every month for the rest of my life (and my kids' lives) starting in 20 years?

If you are trying to use the "Delayed Financing" exception a couple of things you should keep in mind, #1 you must have paid all cash for the property (no borrowed funds for purchase) and no liens on the property #2 you can use the maximum LTV allowed for purchase of property (ie. for an owner occupied property 97/95% LTV or non-owner occupied max is usually 80-85% LTV) #3 must refi within 6 months of purchasing the property (so for the most part you are going to use the purchase price plus improvements rather than the new appraised value) #4 property will have to qualify condition wise within the lenders guidelines, so no major work should be outstanding like broken windows, holes in the roof, ect. 

I have been experiencing awful conditions as a buyer, expected to pay record low cap rates AND accept giant material defects, quickly and with cash!

The balloon is due in August, the taxes are delinquent and the buyer is not paying them and my bank is threatening to call the loan, and of course they do not know I no longer own the property. 

I found a property that is not a fixer up but condition is not great. e.g. range is missing, the wall is dirty and carpet is torn.

What we also see in Columbus are incredibly high rent rates.  3/2's can easily bring in $1200-$1400 in good condition and 2/1's can bring in $800-$1000. 

The property is a 5 unit building with the following information: Rental income is $4,000 per month or $48,000 per year totalTaxes are $375 per month or $4,500 per year (this is higher than current but factoring in that they will increase)Estimated insurance is $200 per month or $2,400 per yearExpenses: Vacancy 8%Management 10%Other expenses Landlord pays water at $400 per month or $4,800 per year Realize this could be a cost savings in the future, but want to analyze as isGeneral maintenance (including minor repairs on property) including grass and pest control estimate at $300 per month or $3,600 per yearCapital reserves for Cap ex (appliances, windows (52 windows on building), roof, siding, etc. which I based on building a capitalization table based on useful life of items and number of units) at $460 per month or $5,520 per yearLoan: All in after down payment the loan would be for $300,000Assuming 7% interest rateAmortized over 20 yearsThus comes out to $2,325 per month or $27,900 per yearSummary Income Per Year:$48,000Property Exp.

He says no one knows of his second life of real estate.