One day they're biting on worms and another day salmon eggs.

It’s the new smoke and mirrors pitch.......there is nothing magic about a heloc....you are essentially just paying Extra toward your mortgage, which is actually cheaper without using the heloc.There are multiple threads on here, search Velocity Banking or just heloc.....you’ll get hours of nonsensical reading. 

I've been making some broker and bank connections in hopes that when the smoke clears, favor will continue to be with me.I'd welcome a call to connect with us all locally and am looking forward to being apart of something great and uplifting.Well wishes ...

But there are always oddities like I bam smoking, vaping and e cigarettes.

There was smoke damage to everything down to the basement. 

That was another thing I noted to them, as my place is "No Smoking".Are there cleaning services that specialize in getting rid of pet allergens?

This is easily determined by looking at the interest charge for any given month in amortization schedule.The reason you only pay “4-5% of all payments in interest” on your heloc that you paid off in a year is Because you paid the Whole Principal balance off.....this “ratio” nonsense is just more smoke and mirrors.To be clear, the monthly interest charges on a 30year mtg are calculated Exacyly the same as for a heloc.  

The downstairs complained about the upstairs' children and the upstairs complained about the downstairs smoking at the back door.  

Even if I was paying cash would still need the smoke detector inspection as it's state law to have them inspected BEFORE the sale.

If you are more interested in finding a smoking hot deal then try your hand at direct marketing.