What we typically see is a contractor trying to act as a bully as most homeowners are push overs.

Agreed, and in many cases, insurance is destroying cash flow if not pushing it into negative territory. 

I have made a career of telling people no and not worrying about it because it's the correct answer.On the inside, the core value I push the most is family.

Then you might be able to push that a bit.You also said you had no luck on the MLS but then said you found the house on Zillow.

Any agent trying to push these obscene terms should not be trusted. 

And some of us been replying back yes there is, just where they are, how to get them, has changed a bit and it's no longer as simple as closing your eyes and randomly throwing darts at a MLS map and buying whatever. yes, those days are long gone but if your willing to roll-up the sleeves and get professional at it, there is "deals" all over the place, you just gotta get skilled on how to find them, tap them, monetize them. 

They are pushing them actually.

You can roll the cost of refi into the refinance itself which will limit what cash you pull out. 

Keep pushing, learning, and networking.

The contract should have outlined the amount of earnest money you deliver.I actually have a buyers agent representing me, but still everything needs to be done ASAP and the sales rep is trying to push him aside and communicate directly with me.