Pickings are slim as of now but have seen some good deals fly by in the past year prior to us being ready to purchase

I have been reading/researching a lot about REI but haven't quite made it over that hump yet to actually execute and buy my first property. 

How would any of us be able to do the same when none of us have seen the house.

I am excellent at coaching others but I just can't seem to get over this hump. 

Yeah, we might want to structure this differently next time but to try to get you over the hump here:As suggested above you can certainly go find ANOTHER private lender to do a 2nd lien. 

Our Texas Heeler regularly humps him to show him whose boss.

If you can get over that hump then you have to ask what's your exit strategy with a house hack?

First, a little expectation and clarification housekeeping; this is a great newbie question because most new investors hear or read that we have to go for 1% test or 2% rule or the 8% COC to make our deals work, but even the guys in their podcast or the books will always tell us; be contextual and adjust.

4500 ft2 is McMansion territory size-wise, so is it a series of complicated shapes with a hump?

They hold the loans in house so they don't have to follow all the rules.Lastly, in reference to your DTI, you can always partner with someone in a stronger financial position to get you over the DTI hump.