I think most of these replies are correct, but it really boils down to one thing: unrealistic expectations of what is possible/likely. 

This one worked out in your favor.  

(Yeah, that last one was a snarky comment.)CONSYou lose the homeowner capital gain exemption. 

Hopefully a CPA can chime in here, as they would be the only ones qualified to weigh in confidently.

Everybody I have called said no except for one company that only does portfolios with established customers

Work to save a lot of cash (Which I just reduced my 401K savings rate to only cover my employer’s full match so that’ll be a couple hundred extra each month and I’m about to fully pay off my car in six months and that’ll be an extra $500/mo.

New house:Won’t pay over $190,0006.525%, 30-year fixed, total payment $1138Could rent for $1500/ monthSo both houses could rent for the same thing, but which one should be my primary residence for tax purposes, depreciation, writing off interest, etc.

Hopefully, this will be longer than a one-off relationship for you to start your investing journey. 

At one point, I was even accused of being unprofessional simply for demanding answers.

One for each parcel if they really are on 2 parcels and zoned accordingly in Columbus.