What are you to do if you want to write everything off but still look good towards a lender?

County water gets shut off and turned on at the drop of a dime. 

The fees are built in so they do not impact the equity you are earning off of.

I can't really fence off the creek. 

Instead, if I ask him to take off a certain amount from the rent check every month and pay that towards the water bill, would that be a good idea ?

Put simply the cost seg provider as well as the CPA who signed off on the report will be liable for hefty penalties for any overstatement of depreciation that results in understatement of tax liability. 

And I’ve seen many appraisals, far off the mark as well.

Best definition I ever heard of a core value, if someone does something that pees you off, then it is a core value of yours.

How does one access the off-market deals?

If booking off an OTA platform you definitely need to protect yourself especially if your state has tough regulations that side with tenants.